reminisce~verb~indulge in enjoyable recollection of past events.
Sometimes our memories are best forgotten and sometimes they are all we want to remember. It”s funny how life works at times. Back before I made mistakes and regrets, there was a time I had innocence and naiveté. The latter time is the time I am remembering today. The different way things smelled back then such as cotton candy or Christmas trees at the street vendors. The games we played in front of our tenements or homes on the side streets. The people we knew, the stores we went to, our neighbors, our friends. Pleasant memories are best remembered and can lift our spirits when we are feeling low. I never thought I would want to go back in time, my life is good. I have love in my life everyday. Yet, there is still a part of me that wishes I could go back to that time of innocence and naiveté when life was simply uncomplicated and the only things that mattered were the things you planned solely for yourself that day. There were no real thoughts about sickness, or death, poverty or wealth. The world around us was just there and the opportunities were in front of us. Sure we were always harassed by our parents and perhaps other siblings, but for the most part we were free and young, ready to skip and jump to our next adventure. Our friends were our lifeline. We trusted them and hung with them and always wanted to be a part of them. Funny how life changes much of that and how we lose sight of our friends for so many different reasons. I’ve been blessed as of late through the wonder of technology. I became a member of the social phenomenon known as Facebook. Through this social media I have found friends I thought I had lost forever and friends have found me. I have been astonished to learn how much we missed each other even though our contact was absent for so many, many years. I have discovered that I was wrong in thinking they forgot about me or I never really touched their lives. I had always known how they had touched mine, so it is a pleasant feeling to know that I have also made a small impact on them. Talking to them brings back happy memories and can almost make me feel that I am young once more in the age of innocence and naiveté. Not a bad place to be in this crazy world of ours. Remembering, I have come to realize, doesn’t always need to be bad or sad and for me that is a wondrous emotional discovery. Going back again is sometimes more of a salvation than a heartache and I am really glad that I took a chance and followed that path. So in the words of Frank Sinatra, “That’s life….regrets I had a few, but then again too few to mention.”
Well Mother’s Day was lovely. The weather was perfect and the children were wonderful. We went to Prospect Park after brunch and I had an opportunity to see the beauty of the Park I grew up around. It has changed somewhat, but remains lovely. We went by the lake and I was able to sit on a bench and look at the calmness of the water which is home to some ducks, swans and other water fowl. It was very crowded yet peaceful at the same time. For the past four days I have been paying the price however. My body is trying to regain some strength. Somehow I caught something else to deal with…a sore eye. I developed some type of sore on the lid and it is affecting the left side of my face. As much as I love and enjoy outings, they don’t return the favor any longer. Whenever, I venture to go somewhere, the next three to four days I spend recuperating, but I am not complaining, more like venting. I long for the days when I could walk faster, move faster, get five things done at the same time. I wish a simple beautiful day such as Mother’s Day didn’t leave me feeling as if every drop of energy was drained from my body. Now that the nicer weather is upon us, I would love to be outside enjoying nature and people, but I fear I face another summer stuck indoors or only as far outside as my porch. The few times when I can get out and get a ride in the car is a gift to me these past fifteen months. I wish I learned to drive all those years ago, but now it is too late for wishes and the reality of my present life looms before me. I am grateful for so many things and frightened by others. I suppose one must take the good with the bad. I try to do that every single day. Every once in awhile though I do become a bit despondent and long for those days when I didn’t have to think about the good or the bad, they were just there. Those days when all that occupied my thoughts were the day to day operations of my employment and what was for dinner and if we would watch TV or finish a project for the house, or go out somewhere. All those day to day things are gone now and one day folds into the other, passing in the same way. I suppose my limitations are pronounced this week because I fell into the fantasy that perhaps I could be my old own self again. I woke up though as soon as Monday arrived. I look around my house and see so many projects that I wish I could do. I have the itch to garden at this time of year, but I must wait for assistance for all I can do these days is supervise from a chair and even that doesn’t last very long before I tire out. When people see me they tell me “how good I look”, I think that has always been a sort of curse with me, from the outside, one would never know that anything at all was wrong with me. It is all hidden beneath my skin, this debilitating, life stealing monster that consumes my physical being and zaps my abilities and energy on a daily basis. I don’t mind most days because I dislike crying about woes in general. So today seems to be a good day. At least I can type today and write on my blog. The weather is nice, the sun is shining and I am basking in its warm through my window. I am grateful for everyday though one would not think so from today’s post. I am glad that Mother’s Day and all holidays only come once a year for I fear that anymore than that would make me into a terrible crank who does nothing but vent….and that is not something I want to be. So I hope you bare with me while I think of inspiration to post about things other than myself and I truly begin again with the cycle of taking the good with the bad.