As I sit here reflecting upon the passing of 2014 my mind is clear and clouded both rendering indistinguishable. I always believed life would get better as a person aged. I am finding that it’s truly all an illusion. Life is really what you make of it.
As the body breaks down and the mind grows wisdom, emotions remain the same. Whether you are blessed with health or devastated by disease you stand the same chance of finding economic concerns, memories of past successes and failures, lives lost, lives saved, loves that have faded with time and love that still fans the flame.
Those losses could be the people, or they could be the jobs one held, the career one had or the possessions once believed to be signficant to your well-being. Perhaps there is a new spiritual connection as one grows older or perhaps it lessons. Whatever applies to an individual the most is what seems to be the driven force within one’s self.
“Make your mistakes, take your chances, look silly, but keep on going. Don’t freeze up.”
― Thomas Wolfe, You Can’t Go Home Again
Although not much has changed for me individually in the past year it has changed for many others I am close to. There have been serious illnesses, weddings, births, graduations, engagements and even deaths. Their changes have added to my wisdom and have taxed my physiological trials to the max. My mind had suffered in a way that is surprising even to one as optimistic as myself. Those days where I was too busy to think, I now find I cannot achieve much more than thinking, rethinking and thinking even more. Can I share those thoughts? Most probably not, and not because I can’t, but because I don’t choose to share most of them as yet. They are still indistinguishable and therefore, not easy to distribute nor select here or anywhere. Insight from them comes to me slowly, yet discernible. Just putting them into action gives them wings so widely stretched that it covers my rationality from end to end. I suppose it is meant to be this way for most of us and so, in reality, they are nothing new.
At this stage of life , as I embrace 2015 my desire is to complete a collection of written work that I will pray gives a message and reveals a hidden truth both for myself and for others. Perhaps I will succeed, or perhaps I will fail, but no matter which way it turns out, I will treasure them, believe in them and hold strongly to them. The illusion I have lived will fade into the past just as 2014 dissolves into oblivion. From what remains, I will gather and keep the wisest and happiest in order to “not freeze up” as Mr. Wolfe suggests.
Attempting to change individual choice is futile because the argument isn’t strong and the mind with its newly constructed paths will adjust because it needs to in order to stay alive. So my life remains as it has with a renewed hope that my words will make a difference to those who may need a rope to cling to or only a hand to hold.
2015 can be whatever we each make it to be. It can revive us or destroy us, give us joy or pain, yet no matter what is to come, those of us who are here in whatever state of our body or mind, we are still here. That realm of existence, within itself, provides the power of hope. Here’s hoping each of us exercise our wills to make our lives better. Ideally to make a difference if not for ourselves, than for others.
Happy New Year!
And that is The Way I See It,here in Brooklyn.