Being a practical shut in affords me the luxury of being able to take advantage of Television, which in the past three months has become my virtual classroom. This week in particular while watching the House Intelligence Committee and the House Judiciary Committee Hearings I had a chance to see a portion of my government at work. I am at awe, in particular, watching the inquisition of the nominee of Judge Neil Gorsuch to Supreme Court of the United States. I have heard a multitude of dissenting opinions from people I respect about their pre-conceived notions of how this man will be a bad pick because President Trump nominated him. They could not be more wrong. This Judge is a Judge of the people. This Judge is a respected scholar who knows the law and the Constitution like his own wife’s name. With the questions before him by the Democratic Party when asked if he feels committed to side with his nominator or the nominating party on three separate questions of this nature this was his consistent responses in his own words, ” No.” “I am my own man.” And “No one is going to capture me.” How can one not consider a man of such outstanding quality? His record speaks for itself. He has no hidden agenda. His love and respect for this Nation is apparent in his composure , his reactions and his responses. This man is an excellent choice for a Supreme Court Justice.
Now for the other part of my Civic 101 lesson. I had always believed that the term “special interest” was referring to corporate over individual or money and might over humanity. Well thanks to these Hearings I have been able to witness first hand how wrong and misguided I have been. Thank you Judge Gorsuch again for going through this grueling process so that I might learn a thing or two. I now realize that it is the democratic/liberal/progressive side of our government that are truly the parties of “special interest”. As I listened and paid close attention to every question, innuendo and clarification presented by the Democratic Senators “special interest” was the premise behind each and every one of them. They “pretended” to be outraged by individuals who were affected by decisions made in Federal courts, but it was clear that it was to denounce the nominee not that they had any in depth knowledge of the people involved, not that they took any responsibility for creating the law in the first place, not any ambition toward changing the laws they claim to be disparaging. Nope none of that. They appear childish, vindictive and without substance in all their presentations during this process. The other side naturally were more “friendly” but that was a given expectation. What I heard from the republican side in discussing the “special interest” view was common sense, a respect for the laws of the land, a willingness to change things that might need changing and a willingness to disagree with the Executive branch of government if needed.
So what did I learn? That 3/4 of Democrats and the like are the party of “special interests”. That about 1/3 of Republicans are for “special interests”. And that both parties have a greater power than the Executive Branch, with few exceptions. That if our Judiciary is made up of Judges like Judge Gorsuch our country has nothing to worry about concerning the proper application of its’ laws. He is a man of integrity who will live by the words of the Constitution all its Articles and Amendments in the pursuit of justice for all mankind. He is someone I am proud to call an American because he personifies the best inside all of us.
“Will you still feed me will you still need me when I’m 64?”
So Obamacare is imploding. The American Care Act is proposed. Insurance companies have obviously secretly paid off the politicians and the Unions. We the patients aged 64 and above are pushed into a hole until we either go bankrupt or die, whichever comes first.
So I worked for more than thirty years. Twenty-one years of my life I worked in a Union owned environment of Higher Education….a University staff member. At the age of 60 I became disabled as a result of years of my body experiencing health issues, body structure breakdown and I suppose lousy genes. Through no fault of my own my body could no longer withstand the simplest of tasks and since I always put my all into my work, I had to retire early at a reduced pension and take my “reduced by age” social security as a disabled American. My spouse still works so my total income was such that any other assistance is not allowed. It didn’t matter that with this scenario our bills stayed the same and we continue to struggle to pay them every month, barely getting by from paycheck to paycheck. We never made enough money to have savings and when I became ill we exhausted our 401 contributions we had made in our jobs for more than twenty years.
We weren’t complaining though because we knew we were doing better than many others. We could keep the roof over our heads and the food on our table. We were able for a time to afford the doctor co-pays and the co-pays of our required medications. That is until the regulations enacted by my health insurance coverage pushed me head first into a giant hole dug by the insurance companies that covered me.
Paying those Union dues every paycheck, contributing to social security for those 30 years and working my butt off all my life only counted for a short period of time. The song by the Beatles that includes the line, “Will you still feed me, will you still need me when I’m 64?” became my mantra since the answers from my insurance coverage to maintain my existence was a loud resounding, no! My prescriptions that keep my body moving to a minimum are no longer affordable since I was pushed into this hole. What once cost me $15 per prescription of three has now risen to $77 per prescription and I am prescribed to take 8 medications daily, some twice a day, others three times a day and others once a day. I never even took the total on the days I could tolerate the pain that is constantly with me. Other medications that assist my movement are not covered anymore since I was pushed into the Medicarerx (part D of Medicare) by the insurance company that made a deal with my Union to give them the cheapest premiums to cover their retirees. As complicated as this sounds the bottom line is the seniors who are not wealthy can now go straight to hell inside the government’s and insurance company’s and Union’s paid for “doughnut hole” or “Drug tier gap” so the Insurance company CEO’s and their government cronies can get richer. The funny part is that I never asked for a hand out ever. Anything I now have is not an entitlement it all was earned by the contribution of my backbone and portions of my salary. Everything I write about this will probably fall on deaf ears anyway cause until you walk in my shoes you will not care, but I am gonna tell it anyway.
I don’t believe in Universal Healthcare. That similar system is run in other countries around the world and from personal accounts from people I know and love, I am told they cannot see a doctor most times for months, their medications are provided sparsely and not conveniently, needed lab tests have waiting periods up to a year. So why would anyone willingly choose that for their lives? Our Medicaid, Medicare, Food Stamp and Prescription Drug programs all seem to be suffering because they are covering far too many people that the economists predicted. The only solution I see for that problem is to remove all undocumented people from receiving the assistance needed by Americans who were either born disabled or worked their whole lives before becoming disabled and give it back to the system that is suffering. Provide that needed revenue and put it into programs that cover health insurance for every Veteran in the USA. If that was done, I would do without to give back to them what they sacrificed for us, but that isn’t what is going on in our country. Instead all of us are suffering and paying for the greed, corruption and mismanagement in the Insurance agencies and in the Obamacare act in our government today.
In a REAL American Health Care Act the following is what it should include:
Total coverage for pre-existing conditions by all health insurance companies
comprehensive, high value long term care coverage for severely ill Americans and American seniors
prescription drug coverage without drug tiers for “common” illnesses as diagnosed and prescribed by physicians
Fair and equitable insurance premiums available to all Americans across every state in the country
Medicaid availability for all poverty level Americans
Medicare for all Social Security American recipients including doctor visits with or without specialties, labs tests, fair priced prescription drugs and long term care for the chronically ill with complete coverage including Nursing care facilities
Preventive medicine and holistic care access for all Americans who choose it (not mandated by insurance companies)
Health Savings Plans accessible to all Americans who want it and can afford it from salary deductions (not mandated by businesses and government)
Available health insurance coverage for the homeless
Health Insurance coverage for all Veterans of the US Military provided outside of the VA hospitals currently run through the government , but not exclusive of
These are the highlights of a Real American Health Care Act. These highlighted proposals are the ones that fulfill the needs of Americans over the needs of the CEOs of the Insurance Companies. These simple, explicit points are what we the people should be sending to our government representatives. This REAL American Health Care Act will take care of the American people far better than the current proposal of the AHCA and far, far better than Obamacare has and would. Let’s talk to the President, the VP, the House and the Congress by copying these points onto a piece of paper and mailing it to each and everyone of them. Let the voices of the American people shout loud and proud that these are these are the things we need and want when we are 64!
It is the weekend of September 11, 2016. Fifteen years since America’s last major attack on one of its’ major cities. So many innocent people died that day. So many innocent people were injured that day. So many innocent people remain ill and many are dying because of that day. Our President elect during that time has been accused of mishandling the action taken to combat the evil that exists in the part of the world that attacked us. I am not among those who would know the truth about the reason he chose the action he did and I try not to judge others, instead choosing to believe in the good of all mankind. Don’t get me wrong, I also see evil in the world and the people who are the epitamy of that evil.
Many people have chosen to see the attack and its aftermath as a devious plot on the American side. They have chosen to blame America for its own attack. Some of these people are my friends, some are strangers to me. Well I don’t believe that conspiracy. In my heart I know it was evil that attacked America that day. I know that they chose the World Trade Center because it was the financial hub of the entire country. We are a capitalist country and those who are evil, the ones who hate our way of life, chose that target with one idea to ruin our country economically. They hoped to destroy us from within by destroying our financial pulse. They knocked us down for a little bit as the following years showed, but they didn’t destroy us nor did they win in any sense of the word. They didn’t think we had the committment to keep our country strong, but they were wrong.
Now I am surround by people who are hurting America from within. They have been blinded either by fear and/or frustration. Once more, they blame America for their personal problems. People are people and given the freedoms they have here to keep their own languages, to keep their own cultures, to keep their own religions they are managing to cause more problems instead of solving the ones we face everyday. The fear and stubborness of so many Americans and the immigrants that live here are at the core of our current issues. We are forgetting that we are ONE COUNTRY, ONE NATION. If one part of us gets hurt we all get hurt, but if we don’t fix those hurts we will destroy the entire body. There is so much more good than bad in America. We are losing sight of that fact. Everyone seems to have gotten the idea that one race is better than the other. That one class of people is better than the other class of people. That isn’t why America was founded. That is so far from what America truly is. Are we fallible? Yes! But only from our own citizens. It is time to put away the hate. It is time to get out of our own selfishness and realize that only UNITED we will face future attacks from evil beings. That all the people who sacrificed in the past for us to have our freedoms believed it was to keep us UNITED. “Biting the hand that feeds you” is detrimental to your own survival. Americans should know this.
Too many since the beginning of our birth have sacrificed to get us through some of the worst times in history. The point is we did get through. The point is we should want to be better by now. I believe with all my being that people who hate America and live in America should leave America. Many of those whom shout the loudest about how awful we are as a country are the ones who have benefitted most from what this wonderful country has offered them. They should really find somewhere else better suited to their ideals because if they all left we would probably have lots more room for the refugees who need a new country, who want a new country, who will become citizens who appreciate their new country as our ancestors did before us.
We are currently in the middle of a Presidential election year. Before us are two people with very different ideas about the direction our country should take. We have to elect one of them to be the face of us, to show their leadership of the greatest country in the world. For me neither one has the qualifications to do this. One is corrupt, the other acts like an idiot. However, no matter what I personally think, one of them is definetely going to be elected. All I can do is pray that the right one gets into office and proves their worth. All I can do is hope they realize what a great country America truly is and how her people, her ideals, her future is worth every effort on their part to protect her. These issues that are within our own borders in today’s world are solvable issues. The issues that face us outside our borders are far less likely to be solved. Whatever the future holds, whatever fate has in store for us, we need to face it together united in the respect of our country, united in the responsibility we each have to make us worthy of being the beacon of light to all those who are persecuted throughout the world. This can only be accomplished if we are united as Americans. The families of the innocent people who died and were injured on September 11, 2001 deserve to know that they didn’t sacrifice for nothing. We owe it to all those from the Revolutionary War to the Iraq War who fought for America that we can keep their legacy alive and keep America beautiful. With this comes the responsibility to keep the evil and the haters out of American borders whether they come from the North, South, East or West. Makes no difference if they hate America they shouldn’t live here. We can only survive as a nation if we have pride in our country. We can only survive as a people if we learn to live together as one people..American people.
So no I won’t apologize for loving this country. I won’t apologize for loving all people of every race and every class. I won’t apologize for loving the animals that roam the earth and the lands that provide us with beauty and survival. I won’t apologize for believing as I do and for stating it for the world to see. I won’t apologize because I have nothing to apologize for being an American. If I have one thing to leave to my chldren and grandchildren I hope I leave them the pride I have in America and the belief that we are privileged to live here.
Awaking on Sunday morning June 12, 2016 I turned on the television as a I normally do to watch Charles Osgood, Early Morning Sunday News on CBS Channel 2 in NYC. Instead there was a special report about a mass shooting that took place in Orlando FL during the hours of my sleep. By the time the day was done I learned that 50 people were dead and 54 were seriously injured by an unbalanced individual who held a rapid repeating gun and shot innocent human beings who had gathered to celebrate in a nightclub called PULSE. Most of the patrons were of the LGBT community. All the gunman’s insane thoughts were to kill as many gay people as he could in the name of his chosen ideology of radical Islam. He lost his own life this day as well, being shot by the brave people of law enforcement, who responded to the call of help from all those who managed to escape the onslaught.
There are thousands of opinions flowing out there over this horrific event, personal, political, religious, et al and we can’t ignore them all, but we can perhaps learn something from each of them. Hopefully, there will be an idea out there that will enact a change in all of us. I feel as if I have been sitting by complacently since the horrific attack on America on September 11, 2001. Just watching my beloved country defending itself against those who wished to harm her and her people. It seems there have been horrific attacks worldwide for many different reasons since that horrible day, but this horrible day has woken me up.
We don’t want this to be a war of religions because that would mean its World War 3 and that is something none of us want to happen nor even fathom. The thought brings with it a meaning that it’s the end of civilization as we have come to know it. Personally, I don’t want there to be war anywhere. I am a peaceful human being who loves all human beings who are not evil. Oh yes, I said that. Evil is out there although I am not a fanatic about it –I know it exists. It exists in everyone who puts their own will above everyone else’s and in order to achieve their own self satisfaction they need to harm or kill others to express that evil of hate and/or violence. Those acts of violence are the epitome of evil to me.
I have heard and listened to the thoughts of well known people such as: celebrities, Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert; Internet personality, Tomi Lauren; Muslim leaders, Imam Anjem Choudhry, and CAIR Executive Director, Mihad Awad; world leader, President Obama; political leaders, Hilary Clinton, Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders; recognized and respected Professor and Author, Dr. George Rodman. I have even listened to one of the Christian leadership ‘s most bigoted personalities (also a Reverend and author) , Pastor Robert Jeffress and the attorney, Eliot Spitzer. I have listened to my family and friends.
All their messages were different, but all told me the same thing. It is time for change in America. It is time that we get out of the problems in the Middle East once and for all. Is it a time when we wake up to realize that money is the reason behind all the arguments. Progress for future generations should be the only motive. It is those who control the events around the world whose only thought is to make a profit off the hardships of others, it is time for that to stop.
We have been trying since the 1960s to make peace the theme of the world. After the postwar of September 11th we are far overdue for this to become a reality. No arguments over guns, politics, religion or greed will ever be solved. Those things are only battles in this current climate. We need to be victorious in bringing about a peaceful and tolerable world and the only way to do that is to live in each country as we did in the past and no longer be involved in trying to bring democracy to any other nation. We have to live by example there is no other solution to end these awful violent acts worldwide. We start here in America with our flag flying high. We start here in America where we all assimilate. We start here in America where the world knows just by our united stance that we will defend our country with all our might just as the other countries will do the same for their own. We will welcome new people to our shores legally all those who wish to come here because they are willing to become Americans and practice their individual languages, cultures and religion in their own homes, mosques, temples, and churches , just as our ancestors have done. Only as a united America renewed in her peaceful meaning and tolerant nature will we accomplish the theme of peace worldwide.
No, I don’t mean that we need to tolerate the acts of the imbalanced individual whose disturbed persona allows the integrated ideology of extremists to penetrate their psyche, no, those who do this, naturally must be punished either through death or incarceration or perhaps reached in time to be helped. Yes, we have to enact new laws that include controlling what guns are permitted to be owned by our citizens. Not banish the 2nd Amendment just tweak it so it truly means what it was supposed to mean before the age of the automatic rifles, grenades, etc. A handgun for personal defense of home and family, a hunting rifle for those who wish to practice this barbaric sport, that should be enough to cover the rights in the 2nd amendment. The NRA only seeks to make a profit, so allow their profits to be made through the military and law enforcement for those are the only avenues that I see a need for automatic weapons. Of course, I don’t believe I need a gun and that is also my right under the Constitution and Declaration of Independence or what I know of them. Help the mentally ill wherever and whenever you encounter these individuals. I believe that intervention for the sole purpose of protecting the mentally disturbed individual so that they do not harm themselves or others has to be a center of study in America today. You cannot get a handle on one without the other.
Take a good hard look at America today and realize that we need to stop, think, and listen. We need to put a serious movement forward which promotes all of the things I mentioned today, but most of all we must see our flag and know the meaning of her is to defend our very own country because we all made her exist. No matter what creed, no matter what race, no matter what color, all of us as human beings seeking to practice our faiths and our beliefs (whatever they may be) in one land have created the America I know and love to this day. To stand strong, proud and tolerant under one flag is the greatest example for anyone who is oppressed and in need to see. We can always be the hope of the world if we want to be, we can always find a way to do exactly what our founding fathers intended us to know and to do, we can change ourselves around by looking back, looking straight ahead and looking forward. Accepting that this is every single American’s responsibility, purpose and belief will lead that theme of peace and it will spread, as surely as I am typing this blog today, it will. It doesn’t much matter who leads the country in today’s world. What matters is its’ people and their desire to change and show their leader how they want their country lead and that the intolerance that has labeled us since September 11th will stop because the event of June 12th was the wake up call that resounded around the globe reminding us all who are privileged to live in this country that peace and tolerance is the only weapon anyone will ever need.
Special is defined in the English dictionary in this way: unusual or better; held in esteem; reserved; made for specific purpose; arranged for specific purpose, etc. In accordance with that definition, my dad was a very “special” person. Today May 4, 2016 is the 47th Anniversary of his death. I was sixteen years old.
Complex; complicated; misunderstood; unstable; loving; self-educated. My dad had a disease known as alcoholism. As mean as he could be when he drank he could be just as kind and nurturing when he didn’t. I often thought of him as two people in one. His need for alcohol was always present, although it lessened in his later years. I came into his life when he was forty-three years old. I like to believe that I made a difference in his life at that point. Members of my family have told me that he was crazy about me at the instant of my birth. My memories begin when I was a small child. Naturally, some of those memories are not good. I would rather focus today on the memories of Dad that have stayed with me my entire life.
The most poignant memories begin with Dad and me watching television in our tenement living room. I would sit on the floor, he in his favorite chair. On the screen before me was always a movie starring either John Wayne, James Cagney, Busby Berkley Musicals or Fred Astaire with Ginger Rogers. My Dad would tell me all about the stars in those movies and we would often sing along if it was a musical. When we weren’t watching television, he would work with me on my homework assignments and every day he would “assign” me the jumble puzzle printed in the Daily News. I was always praised and rewarded if I got the jumble words correct. In those days, many students went home at lunchtime. I was one of them and for lunch my dad would prepare grilled cheese sandwiches cooked in the waffle iron, or heat up Franco American spaghetti for me. On Fridays he would add a fish cake or fist sticks with the Franco American spaghetti as the side. He always tried to make lunchtime fun for me. After school, I would often sit at his feet as he told me stories about his adventures in the military or advised me about the importance of education and the basics of reading, writing and arithmetic. I always thought he was truly a smart man. Even when he wasn’t sober, there were things that he said that remain with me. When I first heard the words he said, my thought was that he was a very selfish person, but as I got older I realized the words he used were quite filled with real wisdom. He would always say whether drunk or sober, “Me, Myself and I , first comes me then comes you, capital R capital O capital N.” Today I realize that he was saying a person needs to care first for themselves before they can take care of others. It wasn’t a selfish statement at all, instead it was the most sage advice I ever received.
My Dad as complicated as he was, was truly a special man and if he were here today, I would thank him for all those times he was there for me and for all the times that he made me feel like the “special” one. My hope is that after all this time his spirit is at peace now.
Today September 11, 2014 a day to remember our fallen, our injured, our heartbreak seems to be the most poignant day for me to write this blog post. On that beautiful September morning with the sun shining brightly our country was attacked by an enemy. Their purpose was to hurt our financial and military centers and in doing so they killed, hurt and forever injured people and destroyed buildings. They will never succeed though, not as long as we remember that September morning.
Most of us were preparing to begin our day when the phones started ringing and the radios and televisions were turned on. The shock of what was occurring sent daggers of pain through our bodies into our hearts. Here we sat a country at peace being attacked by an enemy filled with hate for what we stand for and how we live. Many of us worried about our friends and family who might be in the vicinity of that attack. Then that day, the days and weeks that followed turned into more pain and more resolve to unite and make our country whole again. That is the feeling that remains with most of us to this day. No one wants war, no one wants to live more in peace that the American people. We strife for that every single day. Most of us choose to love instead of to hate.
If, through life experiences, I have learned anything it is to stop expecting others to feel as I do. I have finally arrived at a place in life where I can love without expecting anything in return. I would like nothing more than to know the people who hate us and to show them that we are all the same…humans. However, the reality is that those who hate us will continue to hate us and I am fine with that as long as their hate stays within the boundaries of their own territories. If they would allow me to love them and trust them and accept their viewpoints, I could do that without hesitation. As an individual, I can do my part on a daily basis, being one with my fellow-man, but on a grand scale will this really work? The political climate as of late has me questioning that possibility. I am consistently getting emails from organizations such as MoveOn, Change.org, etc. that rejoice at the deal currently being offered to the Iranians. Everyday I read in the newspaper or online how another political representative has decided to vote in favor of this deal. The reasoning it appears is to avoid a war. Avoid a war? Only our President can declare war with the backing of our Senators and Congressmen, so if it isn’t declared by them, than there is no war to worry about. This deal, from what I have read of it, offers many concessions to those who call themselves “our enemy”. I can accept that if only the exposed truth is that we are laying flowers of peace at their feet in order that they leave us alone and at peace within our own country. However, the realist in me doesn’t see that. The constant reports through Media is that the terrorists groups within the country of Iran never stop hating us, no matter how many concessions, gifts and or investments we make in their country. Their religious beliefs seem to dictate their actions. No matter how much our instincts are to help the abused, to rescue the weak and poor, those that choose to hate instead of love will continue to do so. Nothing convinced me more than the video I saw portraying an interview with a leader of Iran. That recent video, taped in 2015 was undeniable. The hate for America and Americans is stronger than ever before, yet we are at peace here. We are attempting to offer this country a choice to stop hating and to accept. Do you truly trust people who continue to terrorize others as a people who are willing to abide by that offer? After September 11, 2001, I have lost trust in that belief. No matter how hard I try, the reality of their actions and words cause me continued pain. They have convinced me, a common American citizen, that I can never trust them no matter how much I want to. I cannot expect them to feel as I do just because I care about them unconditionally.
To convince me this deal is a good one and will bring everlasting peace to all nations, I would need to see that our own political representatives are free from financial gains from this deal. I would need to see that the trust we are giving to the Iranian militants and religious factions is truly accepted by them as an olive branch. I, for one, have a hard time believing that I will not be hurt again by the actions of those who choose to hate us no matter how much love I have for my fellow human beings. Why don’t most of you have that same distrust? What proof do you need other than the daily actions of the terrorists within that country? As an American, I have too much pride probably in my country, but I won’t excuse that. I love America and what it stands for. I still believe with all my heart that we are the best chance of refuge for the tired, the poor, the sick and the persecuted. I face the reality that we are imperfect and have made many mistakes as we grow from a teenage country into a full-fledged adult country, after all we are pretty young in comparison to the countries around the world and their histories. Just like I made allowances for my own, and just as I have learned from my mistakes, so do I have faith that my country will as well. So I guess what I am asking you as my representatives is to take a long hard look at this deal and make sure it is not another mistake we may make because we are trying to make “our enemy our friend”, instead of accepting that our enemy may not want to be our friend nor expecting them to want to be our friend. And if you find that this deal isn’t truly the one that will be fair to both America and Iran, if you have the slightest doubt at all, please don’t force us into it. To do that would be no better than when a war was forced upon us because of the actions of those who hate us and the proof of that can be found in the memory of September 11, 2001 when America was at peace and the sun was shining.
As I sit here reflecting upon the passing of 2014 my mind is clear and clouded both rendering indistinguishable. I always believed life would get better as a person aged. I am finding that it’s truly all an illusion. Life is really what you make of it.
As the body breaks down and the mind grows wisdom, emotions remain the same. Whether you are blessed with health or devastated by disease you stand the same chance of finding economic concerns, memories of past successes and failures, lives lost, lives saved, loves that have faded with time and love that still fans the flame.
Those losses could be the people, or they could be the jobs one held, the career one had or the possessions once believed to be signficant to your well-being. Perhaps there is a new spiritual connection as one grows older or perhaps it lessons. Whatever applies to an individual the most is what seems to be the driven force within one’s self.
“Make your mistakes, take your chances, look silly, but keep on going. Don’t freeze up.”
― Thomas Wolfe, You Can’t Go Home Again
Although not much has changed for me individually in the past year it has changed for many others I am close to. There have been serious illnesses, weddings, births, graduations, engagements and even deaths. Their changes have added to my wisdom and have taxed my physiological trials to the max. My mind had suffered in a way that is surprising even to one as optimistic as myself. Those days where I was too busy to think, I now find I cannot achieve much more than thinking, rethinking and thinking even more. Can I share those thoughts? Most probably not, and not because I can’t, but because I don’t choose to share most of them as yet. They are still indistinguishable and therefore, not easy to distribute nor select here or anywhere. Insight from them comes to me slowly, yet discernible. Just putting them into action gives them wings so widely stretched that it covers my rationality from end to end. I suppose it is meant to be this way for most of us and so, in reality, they are nothing new.
At this stage of life , as I embrace 2015 my desire is to complete a collection of written work that I will pray gives a message and reveals a hidden truth both for myself and for others. Perhaps I will succeed, or perhaps I will fail, but no matter which way it turns out, I will treasure them, believe in them and hold strongly to them. The illusion I have lived will fade into the past just as 2014 dissolves into oblivion. From what remains, I will gather and keep the wisest and happiest in order to “not freeze up” as Mr. Wolfe suggests.
Attempting to change individual choice is futile because the argument isn’t strong and the mind with its newly constructed paths will adjust because it needs to in order to stay alive. So my life remains as it has with a renewed hope that my words will make a difference to those who may need a rope to cling to or only a hand to hold.
2015 can be whatever we each make it to be. It can revive us or destroy us, give us joy or pain, yet no matter what is to come, those of us who are here in whatever state of our body or mind, we are still here. That realm of existence, within itself, provides the power of hope. Here’s hoping each of us exercise our wills to make our lives better. Ideally to make a difference if not for ourselves, than for others.
Another year has passed by and I am still feeling the same way I did when I first wrote this piece. I decided to re-post it because it expresses my innermost feelings precisely. Please forgive me for any redundancy.
I fell asleep one night twenty-seven months ago and awoke to a startling change in my life. Back then I never imagined how it would affect me so deeply, so profoundly. Today when I awoke it became very apparent to me that my life would never again be the life I had known for the last twenty years and surprisingly I found I am totally unprepared.
Funny how people take their everyday routines for granted. Some people never give it a thought, while others plan every moment. Some people love their jobs, while others drudge themselves through it. I suppose I had a mix of both ways, but mostly I loved my job. The people I came to know, the help I was able to give, the feeling of accomplishment I experienced completing a difficult task. All of those experiences gave me purpose. I didn’t really know until today what it meant to know I can never do that job again, never meet new young people, never have a conversation with a scholar that left me breathless and learning something new or even having a debate over our different outlooks on life. It hit me like a ton of bricks today and the sadness of this forced retirement engulfed me beyond my imaginings.
I still feel too young to be retiring, but alas not being able to use my body as I did before that day twenty-seven months ago has changed all my best laid plans. I never would have believed anyone who told me I would be so lost and so sad just from leaving a job, but I am those things and more. Even writing, which I always believed to be my future, has lost its luster and appeal lately. It astounds me thinking that my purpose is now gone. Good advice is ever flowing my way and ideas from others about what to do with my time now, but none unfortunately wear my shoes nor have my personality so all the good intentioned words of wisdom don’t help me at all. I compare it to the loss of someone dear. Everyone at the funeral says they are sorry for your loss and I’m certain they are, but it doesn’t validate what you feel from that loss. Well, when you are forced to give up something you care about, as I was, it is the same as experiencing the death of a beloved friend or family member. There truly is no consoling. As all hurts heal I have no doubt this will also pass in time, I just don’t know how much more time needs to pass until I can feel like my old self again or if in fact, I ever will.
Am I feeling sorry for myself, probably yes. Do I have a right to? Without a doubt. Maybe something will change again in my life one day soon that will allow me the privilege of feeling I have a purpose on a daily basis. Who knows? Change is certainly apparent everywhere for everyone, just do yourselves a favor and don’t take what you have for granted. Appreciate it, go ahead sweat the small stuff cause the small stuff matters as well, savor all of the moments because you may fall asleep one night and awaken to discover your entire world is changed and you can no longer have the purpose you have today.
I read an editorial in the NY Daily News today, May 28, 2013, by Richard Cohen of the Washington Post. (http://www.nydn.com) The editorial struck home with me because I have worked in Higher Education for more than twenty years and what Mr. Cohen portrays is a sentiment that I have held for quite a long time. Aside from being an administrator in higher ed, I am also a parent and aunt of many who have received a college degree. The position I held allowed me the very fortunate circumstance to meet with thousands of students from every walk of life. Being associated with them afforded me the luxury of learning something new each day. The things that they taught me are still meaningful and have remained with me throughout my career. It seems to be the appropriate time to write about the things mentioned in the Daily News editorial since in New York it is just about commencement time for most of the Universities. The editorial was written to portray the value of a college degree in today’s world and whether or not it was worth it. I have to agree with Mr. Cohen’s belief that it is. I have heard many students proclaim that they didn’t understand why they needed their degrees and there were some regrets as they were graduating. However, over time they realize what they didn’t realize right away. All those classes, the ones that may have had nothing to do with their chosen careers or jobs, are the classes that taught them to broaden their horizons, think outside the box and better themselves in the future. They come to realize that the information that was given to them as college students was vital to the world around them. Those wondrous tidbits of facts gave them the tools they needed to make this world of ours a better place. What they may have learned about physics or classics or aesthetics will serve them well as they travel far and wide to apply their degree in television or radio or teaching or architecture. Some realize this immediately, while the majority take years to fully appreciate the value of a well-rounded Associate or Bachelor or Graduate degree. There are those who go directly to a job and many may not be designed to attend college, but that is fine as well, because not everyone has to go to college. However, those that do can come to appreciate the value of the degrees they have earned. They would serve themselves well to have pride in their accomplishment and to search for their place in this world with the wisdom they have gained through the knowledge they have earned.
I would be remiss, if I didn’t congratulate all these wonderful college graduates. They are a large part of the future of my world and the world of all those living today. These graduates will go on to be the next generation of parents, doctors, lawyers, teachers, marketers, financial wizards, creative geniuses, and oh so many more glorious paths in life. They will be or are parents who will have the insight to raise their children with a thirst for knowledge as well. This amazing circle of life will continue because thousands of people will have graduated from higher education during the next month or so. It won’t matter if they need to take jobs at lower pay scales, the knowledge they have attained and the opportunity given to them is something that everyone should have as an opportunity. A chance to broaden one’s mind and expand their own worlds should be everyone’s chance in life. A higher education has given many people the power to become higher in life because their minds were overloaded and empowered from all those classes that had nothing to do with their chosen fields. I truly hope they are as proud of themselves as a I am for them, past, present and future. They are my hope for a better world in the very near future. CONGRATULATIONS GRADUATES!