I’m On The Outside Looking In

My education isn’t that of a scholar, as a matter of fact I never attended college officially. All of my knowledge stems from common sense and experiences. I have personally lived through the unbelievable traumas that most people only hear about. I can not recall a time in my life where it hasn’t been touched in some way by diseases; abuse of all natures; grief; depression; euphoric moments; absolute joy; and/or sadness enhanced by profound hurt.

Unfortunately, in the world we live in, none of that seems to matter without being accompanied by a lettered degree. So whenever I venture outside my comfort zone of silence and give an opinion or an observation it holds no weight. It dies where I placed it. Words are often not given the exalted praise of actions and yet, words are also assigned the title of culprits if others get hurt by them. I have always believed that words were powerful and the actions they start were solely reliant upon the interpretation of their associations. I love writing because it gives me the outlet I personally require to still the thoughts that race through my mind on a daily basis. Writing is my solace. Sharing my writing is the one way I hope will make a difference in this world, giving others an opportunity to see another way of looking at any subject that there is disagreement about. Perhaps I have never stopped being an idealist with pragmatic tendencies. Perhaps I take life too seriously or perhaps not seriously at all. My compulsion to write is unstoppable, I have constrained this impulse many times during my lifetime, however that time always surfaces to force my fingers to write what is heavily upon my thoughts. This again, is one of those times.

Many of my friends and family are different in their thinking. Many are college educated and still many are experience educated. I respect and admire both. Growing up in a blue collar family and working in both white collar jobs and academic jobs has opened my mind to all the infinite possibilities that exist in one’s life. Change is very possible if one truly wants that change before them. That is when it becomes one’s choice, provided their is no mental or physical obstacle that would affect their free choice. I am very grateful, regardless of my life’s traumas, that I chose to develop an open mind. I pride myself on my empathetic abilities and appreciate the wisdom that ability affords me to possess.

Many, who are institutionally educated, mock me, laugh at me, or hold no regard for my observations or opinions because they have a pre-conceived notion that because I hold no degree nor title I cannot possibly understand the mechanics of the way the world works. They actually have shooed me away as inconsequential on many different occasions. I do not let that penetrate the core of why I exist. Sometimes, like every other human being, I am dead wrong. Sometimes, like all others, I am right. I have found that counting the wrongs and the rights in life actually count for nothing in the end. What counts is intention. What counts is compromise. What counts is coming from a place of caring and concern. What matters is the realization that all human beings, regardless of education or not, are basically at their core, identical. That realization is hardly ever acknowledged due to millions of factors that interfere in believing that fact. I am one of the few that have been blessed with being able to see that realization and live my life hoping to give others the opportunity to see that fact as well.

Exposing myself to the probable possibility of more ridicule is a chance I often take knowing full well the consequence of my choice. However, not doing it, for me is worse internally. Many people think I am trying to persuade others to thinking as I do, but they would be wrong. My only intention is to share the way I see things so that perhaps one or two people might decide there is another way to look at things and in doing that change becomes very real for them if not for others. The way the world has developed through the open exchange of information has not only been beneficial, it has also been detrimental. You might ask yourselves, how could I say such a thing, or better yet who do I think I am saying such a thing? I believe in humanity, I also believe humanity is influenced greatly by circumstances, experiences and luck,hence their possibility to choose to do good or choose to do what most consider evil, is a reality that cannot be denied. Interpreting good and evil is once again subjective and relies heavily on the things aforementioned. My point in explaining my view is that judging another human being has no value unless every circumstance and every intention is so proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that a true conclusion can be drawn to force a judgement upon that human being. I have found that some judgements are arrived at too hastily, while others are proven accurate in every sense. I believe the free will we are endowed with at birth gives us the tools we may need later on in life to form such judgements, however their interpretations depend solely on life experiences, common sense and circumstances.

President Trump has been under scrutiny for the past three years. He is not an easy man to understand nor to like. His ways are not accepted by many, many people. Yet he was elected to be the leader of our country and our representative to the world. What he has proven to me is that, no matter what past mistakes he may have or has not made, the last three years he has lived up to the promises he made to the American people and he did so with compromises and above disagreements from the other government representatives. He has shown me over and over again, that despite his ego, he loves this country and appreciates the opportunities this country provided to him and his parents. He sees the same America I do, the American ideals that have shaped me, has also shaped him. Our life paths may be completely different, but our country binds us. The younger people of today have lived through a completely different experience than we have and have a very different set of ideals about America. The sadness I feel is for them. Many cannot see past America’s acknowledged mistakes. Many mock the religions for their atrocities and mistakes, that are in reality often ignored. Many believe capitalism is the evil and socialism is the hope. My worry is that they will never change their minds especially when they are encouraged by the hypocrites that feed their misconceptions about this country. I say this because I can see it and feel it. The very worse thing that could happen is if Americans both young and old continue to be unforgiving of their own country’s errors, America will no longer exist and the world will suffer from its’ demise. I do not need a degree to know this, nor are my eyes closed to the ideals of those who have that educational background. If they think, which of course I do not truly know, that America needs punishment for the involvement and errors that were made, I say we have been already in so many ways. We have had Civil Wars, have been attacked twice, have lost capitalism during the Great Depression, have lost countless men and women in our Military, and suffer everyday in some part of this country with poverty, starvation, homelessness. If we keep giving away what we need to survive to illegal immigrants just to appease our conscious, or continue to ignore Americans in our own country who are suffering in the ways I mentioned. If we continue to let elementary and high schools go without the means to succeed, if we disregard veterans and their families in order to praise those across the globe who are also suffering, we will lose our footing and our ability to help anyone anywhere. For to be truly able to care for others, we must first care for ourselves and that equates to caring for, protecting and respecting America no matter who represents it. President Trump, whether he shows it to all or not, knows this as well as I do. He, in my careful judgement, is doing all he is capable of to ensure that we take care of us so that we can take care of others. I owe him respect for that. I must support him for having these ideals no matter how imperfect he may appear to be. Yes, I am aware of how others judge him and blame him solely for the things they have judged him to have done. I watched, I listened, I read, and while I do not fully agree with his manner at times, I am able to see past the ego, and instead see that he truly believes this country offers everyone who really wants to be here, the opportunity to live in it, work in it, and become part of its citizen population. I also see, that like myself, he cannot bring himself to agree with those who come here to take advantage of the opportunities provided by America, just to continuously remind it of its past errors, hold it solely responsible for all the bad things across the globe, and benefit the country they fled from in the first place. I am not talking about customs and religions that are brought along with people to our shores, but of vile intentions that they wish to spread in the hope of displacing America’s idealism in the world. Especially because in reality America is one of a few nations that still offer its citizens unalienable rights and the pursuit of happiness.

So, yes that is who I am. I am not dumb, I am not blind, I am not a deplorable human being. All of those are facts about me. I like to write, I like to learn new things. I like people. I like animals. I love my family and my friends. I love and respect my country. I stand out of respect for the flag, the symbol of my country. I believe in freedom of choice, speech and expression, and religion. I believe we all need to believe there is something more powerful than ourselves such as God or the Universe, a mechanism for the human trait to be able to hold onto some type of hope when things are at their worse. I welcome compromise, understanding, and mutual admiration for what each of us has to offer the other. I am kind, loving and optimistically inclined. I am glad President Trump was acquitted and exonerated not only because of this call but because I know his intentions are good and his love of America is real.

And That’s the Way I See It, here in Jackson.

K

Poetry II- Love

Today my thoughts turn to love and something my mom always said to me. She would often tell me, as I would speak about loving someone, that there was no such thing as love. I realized a long while ago that she said that because of all the hurt that she had been through in her life. To her love meant getting hurt physically, emotionally and intellectually. I do believe that regardless of what she said, she did love and knew she was loved, she just couldn’t bring herself to express it for the fear of feeling that (oh so awful pain) one feels when love hurts, and love, my friends can be excruciatingly wonderful and even more excruciatingly painful. I have always been fascinated by the emotions of love and how one can completely change their own vision of themselves or their ideals once love enters their emotional make up. I have always wanted to study what constitutes love as love, but never had the opportunity. So instead I have written over the years a series of poems and/or essays, which I will share with you today. Some may seem complicated or perhaps way to deep to comprehend, but if you can read them more than once, perhaps the message I am attempting to convey will dawn on at least a few and my efforts in creating them will at least not have been for naught. Of course, I know that my mother’s reasons for not wanting to believe in love were very valid, but her words did spark the notion within myself to wonder, is there really such a thing as love? Or is love just an illusion that people create so that they can give more freely of themselves? I know that I love my children and my siblings and my friends, but I don’t believe that form of love is the love I am curious about. It is the love between two people that ignites my interest in the subject. How can we really be sure that the chemistry or the caring or both is truly selfless love and not just an expression of need within our own self? What if, my mother was right without knowing she was right? What if there is truly no such thing as love?

Hope you enjoy my thoughts on love.

What is Love? 

Love is a moment, and too often it passes without a second thought.  It’s the one moment in your life in which everything is right.  Your faults and failures don’t matter.   Love is the moment you know why you’re here; it’s the answer you’ve sought. Love is the absence of emptiness.  Love is the sole reason you feel emptiness.  Love is a changeling.

It is different feelings in different people.  Love is a defined human emotion tugging for comprehension within the center of reason.  Love is the confidence to be. Love is essence of beauty.  Love is felt.  Love is neither intelligence nor a theory-provoking process.  Love is the core of humanity’s beliefs.  Love can be paradise.  Love can be excruciating pain.    Love is a personal expression of inner self.  Love is a mystery waiting to be revealed.  Love is the driving force in the pursuit of happiness.  Love is self-deprivation in a quest toward selfishness of the highest form by creating happiness in another.  Love is what you feel it is and not what you think it is.  Love is unforgettably embedded in your being once it is truly experienced. 

Love is a lifelong search.  

~Kathy Napoli

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The Passage

  by Kathy Napoli 

Two beings meet amidst the threshold of love and suddenly its a choice of life and death,

A kindred spirit arises in each with no thought, no strive just need and to need

Reality a fleeting whisper of wind.

As if inside a vacuum of space the depth of one another silently speaks.

A tumultuous, rapid commonality grows – the need is met

The whisper of what could be gushes through the vacuum pulsating its vibrations until it gains a voice.

Spirits connected through embedded memory emerge infiltrating the kindred’s peace.

Now the threshold  of love between life and death surrounds the passage splitting the heart, suffocating the spirit.

Struggling, transforming the internal emotions into a battle of the self.

Abandonment the strongest appeal; dependency the anchor.

A self expression surrounds the vacuum – yet longs to linger among the kindred and the memory.

Turmoil  of the soul continues -diversions emit magnetic power dulling the reality

Somewhere the whisper of wind filters through and once again the vacuum emerges –the threshold attached to the memory.

Within the spirit a solution evolves and hides itself as a sacrificial lamb

Fantasy guides the consciousness as need controls its direction

A sheltered thought of love shackles the spirit while feeling it emancipates the emotion.

For the spirit to pass through the threshold of love between life and death-happiness must saturate the passage

Seeking through the haze of disbelief, clinging desperately to the unfounded trust, the heart is bound 

Knowing full well the answer lies within and reality must win  

hearts

DOUBT

Flighty, wildly swirling about

Like butterfly cocoons split apart

Exploring, sensations vibrating; carried afloat

Surging onward touching each cell

Vanishing briefly; suddenly appearing

Fluttering, nagging, pulsating the nerves

Spirit pushing the soul

While logic disintegrates and explodes the brain

Wet as the rain, soaking and drowning

Sense evaporates; fear begins

Searching for answers; never sure of the questions

Looking, listening, hearing, seeing; still swirling about

Ah, it comes, like sunrise o’er the Balkans

So simple, so easy, always safe, secure

Hidden inside until the dawn springs its light

Dreams long forgotten in the flutter of wings

Sweet song of belief; singing through the heart

Words making music for faith to exhale

Always inside the shell; fate through circumstance prevail

Darkness came whilst the doubt sauntered in

Now the light of self has broken the spell

As once again we create what once was known

A short stay of doubt lingers awhile

~Kathy Napoli

“Reeling”

Hazy and Floating

No thoughts or ideas

Through stairwells of drifting

No focus to grasp

The heart rejects the pleading

And the mind continues reeling

Fate is still fleeting

No more standing the pain

Deep in the soul as if fleeing

Yet knowing full well it remains

And the mind continues reeling

Lost and Alone

The search never-ending

No promise of love

Hope lingers everlasting

While reality surrounds

And the mind continues reeling

~Kathy Napoli

And that is the Way I See It here in Brooklyn,

K