The Way I See It

This past week has placed my mind on a Whirlwind Merry Go Round. This coming week I am headed into a life changing experience that leaves me both exhilarated and terrified at the same time.

My health has deteriorated at a rapid pace these past few months and what I believed for three years to be the sole cause of my circumstances, wound up being a misconception at best by the doctors whose care I was under.

In the last two weeks I have experienced and am still experiencing a pain so profound in my right leg that it can be compared only to that of labor before birth.  It seems I have developed an artery disease that rivals those of an octogenarian’s in poor health.  Undoubtedly, say the doctors due to smoking all those years.  Though one cardiologist agreed with me that is not the only mitigating factor concluding as I do that “genes” is the basic foundation for my current issues. Taking on the responsibility that I am overweight for my height had been another revelation to me since being told for the past three years that exercise was out of the question for me unless it was in water because of the impact on my spine and its condition.  A person cannot lose weight if they are unable to move physically over a long period of time.  The agility and mobility of the human body ceases when inactive.  My recommendation to all is to do everything you can to keep moving and everything else in moderation.

Now getting back to my “whirlwind” of emotions causing me confusion in these past few days.  This recently discovered disease within my body has frightened me more than anything I has ever been presented to me or witnessed by me in the past, with exception of any health issues concerning my sons, this is the most terrifying to me. I have been told that there are blockages and blood clots within my system so severe that they are cutting off circulation to my leg. The specialist from NYU Langone Medical Center in NYC, who I met for the first time yesterday seems to be a kind, concerned, experienced physician/surgeon in his field of vascular diseases and their treatments and remedies.  To say this disease, though known to me in name only, is one that I have the least past experience with is an understatement.  No one knows how another person feels when they learn they have something very serious that could possibly be a life threatening one, so unless one has been through it personally, it is quite overwhelming. I find the hardest emotion to deal with is loss of control, the second is fright of the unknown.  I am trying very hard to remain calm and logical.  Trying to get those who care for me to understand that this is one area where Mama doesn’t have the answers that would somehow alleviate much of their worry.  I am truly hoping for the best outcome and to do my best to believe if I do my part by taking self-responsibility my life will surely improve immensely.

Still waiting on clearance from cardiologist and if it clears him, I will be undergoing the procedure on Wednesday.  I want to get better and I want to celebrate all the milestones ahead, so I will keep my faith, calm the “whirlwind” in my mind and if all goes well, I will write again soon.  Just keep moving, keep dancing, keep smiling!

And that’s The Way I See It, here in Brooklyn.

K