Most likely there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people who have passed the age of fifty-five and have magically disappeared metaphorically. There I was sitting at the dining room table attempting to be part of an ongoing conversation, but not one word I said was heard. That was my first inkling of my disappearance. My next big clue was at a visit to my primary care physician whom I have been going to for over forty years, there I was asking about a new development in my ongoing health issues and poof I disappeared once more. He neither heard a word I said or he just ignored whatever I was saying because he was talking baseball to my husband as I spoke. It was as if I reached a certain age and became unheard and invisible to family, friends and society in general.

Being of sound mind it is quite a shock to the system to learn that neither your voice nor your presence is recognized any longer. It doesn’t seem to matter that through all the years of your existence and all the experiences you have lived through, count for nothing any longer. No one hangs on your every word but instead disregards your every word. No matter the subject nor the content because you are now invisible and the older you are the worse it becomes. It isn’t as if you obtained degrees over your life span which in this society accounts for proven intelligence and thus an improved chance of many people being inclined to hear you when you speak or at least see you when you enter a room. No, without a piece of paper earned, you no longer are entitled to a voice nor a semblance of visibility. Yet, strangely you happen to know many things untaught in books because you were busy learning through living the experiences you were exposed to and feeling them physically and emotionally. However, those things you have lived through count for nothing once you have aged.

This theory of mine has been personally proven to me over the past 15 years of my life. Oh sure, if someone needs help or a favor you automatically materialize. If you are a great cook or a baker the attention you are given for that moment you presented your creation you are showered in praise and glory. However, if a “better” cook comes along then poof you are gone once more. Yet, the best is when you are having an hour or more conversation with someone and the minute you open your mouth to express either your like-mindedness or disagreement you are either “talked over” or ignored entirely, regardless if you were in accord or not. For me, that is the ultimate sign of disrespect and the lightbulb radiates upon your vanishing. Your non-existence, because you aged, is ever apparent as each experience becomes closer to your core. You start to question your own wisdom, your abilities to communicate, your logic about life’s issues, and your knowledge gained from experiences. Do you truly exist at all or are you someone else’s illusion of you? As your unheard voice and vanishing physique begin to fade the illusion seems more likely than the true reality of one’s self. It appears sad at first, yet the older I get the less I care. I can accept being ignored because I’ve learned to live with all my faults and all my assets. I begin to pity those who miss out on my words of experiences and my empathetic nature. I know deep in my “soul” that I have a purpose and a value and if those around me and even those who know me little, cannot recognize my worth than my being unheard and invisible is detrimental to them not me.

I won’t give in nor give up. My nature is determined to be true to myself. To know who I am and that I count. I see my reflection in the mirror and the wrinkles coming upon my once young face, the memories like fleeting visions of realities, and the slight glow within my eyes tell me I still have things to say. I still can make a difference in this mixed up world, one word at a time, one step at a time. Who knows maybe one day this invisible, unheard woman might just reach one soul and change the world for better!

And That’s the Way I See It, here in Jackson.

K