The Way I See It

Being raised with a set of values, some worthwhile, some obsolete has given me a perspective about one’s life that guides my every word, action and thought. It amazes me each time I see those values play out and strengthens my belief in the profoundness of each.

My memory though not the same as it was a decade ago still serves me well in most areas, so let’s start this list that has been knocking on the imaginary doors within my brain for quite some time now.

LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY….this one stands out from the truth in that sentence. I have yet to find a day passing where I have not learned a new idea, a new word, a new invention. New thoughts are ever present in simple everyday life from paying attention to the world around me.

I’m in awe each time that “new” thing is brought to life. It doesn’t matter if I’ve read it, seen it, smelt it, tasted it..the point is that it is “new” and affects me intellectually and/or physically.

DO NOT LIE, DO NOT STEAL, DO NOT CHEAT …. These values have been imbedded into the core of my soul. They lead my every action. They steer me toward a path of clear conscience. A LIE serves no purpose other than to make one feel like a fool when the truth arises. STEALING from others just makes one selfish, greedy and self-absorbed. The consequence of stealing is worse than the need felt to steal in the first place and the associated guilt from stealing never leaves one’s mind. CHEATING whether for personal ego infused gain, or because it may be easy or because it is vengeful only leaves one with the knowledge that the act itself only leaves behind unending anguish and worry. So, yes these values are worth adhering to if you want to have a pleasant feeling in your life. My motto, “never lie, steal or cheat and gain a happy life that avoids internal pain, strife and grief”.

On the negative side of values, are these sayings that I’ve heard many times during the course of my experiences in life: “Children are seen and not heard”. “You have to eat everything on your plate to be able to leave the table”. “Respect your elders”. And finally, “Do as I say not as I do”. Allow me to break each one of these down for you.

No. 1..”Children are seen and not heard”….why? My nagging question of why heats up in this saying. If we listen to children with curiosity, belief in their personage, and sincere unconditional love for them how much better our small worlds could be! Their innocence for life, their imagination for possibilities, their every nonsensical thought is insightful and worth hearing. To be able to tune into a child’s perception of life in their very personal surroundings is a gift not all people possess, but if you do treasure it, cherish it and keep it your entire life because children are amazing human beings. As they form their own individual characters, personalities and intelligence levels they will give you astounding revelations that will forever make you proud that you heard them, you listed to them and most of all you believe them.

No. 2 “Eat everything on your plate…etc.” again my constant nagging why? Even if you are very poor and all that is on a child’s plate may be peas, or whatever, if they are hungry they will eat what they have been given, no need to force it upon them. If they are given a traditional meal of protein, vegetable and a starch they need not be forced to finish everything on their plate. You may be asking yourselves Why? Why would I, this author, sound so out of touch…. Because average children are forming their own sense of taste, smell and consistency of foods. Giving them the impression they must finish every morsel diminishes their ability for those senses I mentioned thereby allowing a door to open in a child’s mind that it doesn’t matter about the food they put into their body but the amount. It will surely lead to overeating, weight gain and a lifetime of always missing out on the value of healthy eating which always includes portions. It just isn’t necessary to bribe, force or be overly concerned with the average child’s relationship with food. Let them decide when they have eaten enough and if they are hungry they will ask for more at some point. No need ever to say they better eat everything on their plate. That same principle applies to the negativity many parents today place upon their children about food. Just allow them to taste, smell and feel the consistencies of all food groups for themselves. Parents today already have learned about sugars and fats being unhealthy for children diets and automatically reduce them or leave them out completely. Yet their determination and rigidity in controlling what their child consumes could and often does lead to unhealthy habits in adults since they still feel like they are missing something. The capability of most children when experiencing food exists…so relax and allow them to explore before curbing their curiosities.

No. 3 “RESPECT your Elders”…. Doesn’t it matter who that elder is and how they relate to children? A blanket expression like that once again could be a Pandora’s box. Respecting a person whom you know well in general is important to teach a child. The blanket statement though telling each child to respect their elder could possibly lead them to a vulnerable state where adult predators, molesters and other criminals could use that respect to harm children. Why not teach children a value that says, “Respect is earned not given” and explaining to children how respect applies to personal space, personal privacy and decent behaviors. For me that is a much better value for them to learn that this blanketed statement. While I’m in this area I have another suggestion, don’t make children give hugs and kisses. Allow the child to initiate such an action. Leading them to believe hugging and kissing must be given somehow impresses upon them that it’s an obligation or a chore rather than an open decent expression of loving another. (Of course I am saying this in connection with family and close friends). I know it’s awful to have to think about these things but in today’s world when adult predators are exposed and coming out of the woodwork everyday it’s better to err on the side of caution to offer the utmost protection to our children.

No. 4….”Do as I say and not as I do”…. I was raised on this saying as well. A child cannot truly comprehend this if they are seeing examples of bad behavior but are told they cannot do it. Children need to be allowed to express themselves within parental guidance and limitations. To me that is a given. So I see how that saying is protective for the adults, but over the years have learned that good examples are needed in a child life. So telling them it’s okay for you but not for them is unfair. For example, if you are a cursor or a person who is always late, or some other habit that you have developed, be wary of how your child beholds it. Try to see how your behavior may influence the child’s behavior and don’t assume they will know any better when you tell them to do as you say and not as you do. Instead show them the difference.

So as you can see I was raised with values some good some bad. Mistakes I have made prompted me to write this blog today. Reflecting on what I could have done better ever present in my thoughts. Sharing my perception now I am hoping will help others recognize themselves and perhaps learn something new today. Self reflection may not always be easy but it’s always worthwhile. Other values I was raised with and there are many have entered my mind as I wrote today, I will leave those for another time. Here’s hoping today I did a good deed and made another’s person life a bit more optimistic.

And That’s how I See It, here in Jackson

K